In the event of my death, I ask that this document be published anywhere and everything to ensure that each person mentioned in it has an opportunity to hear what I had to say to them. Nine weeks after my death, my lawyer, Melnas Crapopolis of Keller & Keller, has been instructed to enact my final requests, whether or not everyone has responded ...

I was reading Reader's Digest (I also consume Consumer's Digest for a similar reason) and stumbled upon an article about president-elect Barack Obama. The specifics of this article were atrociously out-of-date as I'm months behind in my magazine reading due to the unforeseen inclusion of Cosmo, which I read for pictures of pretty girls and not the articles, I swear. Anyhoo, this offending Reader's ...

Every year around this time, innovation in theater and art and literature is lost because of one little book by one little man (actually, the book is strictly average in length for a novella coming in at 29,000 words, and I have no idea how many inches or pounds Mr. Dickens had on him). That's right, A Christmas Carol. Your average theater company puts ...

As an English major Bachelor of English I have a keen eye for literature and people ask me all the time, "Mark, what're some of your favorite books and authors?" Well, everyone knows they need to read Ernest Hemingway, Jane Austen, and O.J. Simpson. But people have no idea that there are literally tens of things that are required reading in more obscure genres. ...

I am pretty tall. Not massive how's-the-weather-up-there tall, but pretty tall. I'd say I come in at just under your average NBA player in height, so darn respectable. This isn't some kind of new revelation (It was brought to my attention when I caught myself sitting in the shower so the water could actually hit the top of my head). Short and average people tend ...